A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.

“I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says.

This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

“What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer,

“What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.

After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.

The senior pockets the $500.00 and go right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.

He wakes the senior up and asks,

“Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”

The senior reaches into his pocket hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep.

Age and cunning will overcome youth and technology anytime.

A 95-Year-old woman goes to the Doctor…

She tells him that she’s lived a long life and that she wants to end it now on her own terms.

The Doc sees her and can tell that she’s in pain and not wanting others to hear him,

he decides to whisper some advice to her on how to do it.

A few hours later the same old lady is rushed to the ER with a bullet wound on her left knee.

When she saw the doctor in the hallway as she was being rushed, she yelled,

“You told me to shoot myself under my left breast

A state trooper running a speed trap flags a sedan for travelling 75MPH in a 50MPH zone.

The trooper immediately flips on his lights and stops the car.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”, the trooper asks the driver as a matter of routine.

“It might be the six kilos of cocaine in the back seat.”, says the driver.

The officer is taken aback and doesn’t quite know how to respond.

“No sir, you were drive “Well, is it the loaded 9mm in the glove box?” The driver continues.

The trooper places his hand on his gun and radios for back up before saying, “Sir, I need you to-“ “Look, if it’s the dead body in the trunk, just come out and say it.”

The driver shockingly admits.

The trooper draws his gun, orders the driver out of the car, handcuffs him, and places him in the back of his squad car just as back up arrives.

The trooper tells his back up of the situation and they begin a search of the vehicle.

No drugs are found in the back seat. The glove box contains only an insurance card.

The trunk is found only to have a spare tire and a roadside emergency kit.

Perplexed, the trooper and his colleagues suddenly hear from the squad car… I’ll bet that lying  told you I was speeding too!

 A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck because the bed of his truck is full of ducks.

The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of ducks.

Only this time all the ducks are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls him over again and yells, “I told you to take these ducks to the Zoo!”

The old man replies, “I did! But now the little buggers want to go to the beach!”

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.

When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

“When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours.

He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket.

After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down.”

As an airplane is taking off and is gaining altitude, the pilot comes on the intercom:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Thank you for choosing American Airlines. We are on our way to Miami and will reach cruisi….. FU***NG SH***T!! god FU***NG DVMN IT!!! WHAT THE FVCK!!!”

For a moment, there as an eerie silence in the cabin. Then the pilot comes back on: “I do apologize, but our new stewardess spilled hot coffee on my lap. You should have seen my pants from the front.”

A passenger in the cabin says, “You should have seen my pants from the back.”

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn't do it.”

Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.

“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.

“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.

“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”

“My god”, shrieks Carol. “Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?”

“No thank goodness” sniffs Judi.

“But it was the one just next to it!”