A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist,

“I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you,

I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him.

He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”

 She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown.

Feeling quite proud of her new look she decided to go for a drive in the country. After a while she came upon a shepherd. Trying to test out her new look she walked over to him and asked, “If I can guess how many sheep you have may I take one for a reward?”

The shepherd thought that she would never guess the exact number of sheep, so he took her bet and let her try. Amazingly she guessed 98, the exact number of sheep he owned.

Feeling rather good about herself, she picked up her reward and started walking back to her car. Before she got there the shepherd tapped her on the shoulder.

“If I can guess your natural hair colour, can I have my dog back?”

One of the blondes asks, ” What if we step on a potato? ” St Peter says, “Even I have been in heaven for a long time, I need an expert to answer that.” Then an expert with brown hair says to the blonde, ” If you still want to be blonde, tom , go to hell. The ladies go to heaven. ” tom asks, “Why can Miranda and Morgan go to heaven when they step on a potato when I can’t?” The expert replied , “Because they’re Siamese Twins.”

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer

who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

What does it look like?' she finally asked.

The policewoman replied It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

‘Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go.

I didn't realize you were a cop.”

A Man Accidentally Elbows a Woman’s Chest

as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby.

The man apologizes profusely and says

“if your heart is as soft as your chest, I know you’ll forgive me.”

To which the woman replied

“if your tool is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 318.”

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away.

They agree and the pastor greets the family.

“Pastor,” Johnny says,

“I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”

“That’s right, Johnny, I did say that.”

” And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.

“Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, ‘because there’s someone either coming’ or going’!”

Two old ladies, Dolly and Ruby, sat on a cozy park bench, enjoying the warm sunshine and a lively chat about their grandchildren. Dolly, with her rosy cheeks and mischievous eyes, began the conversation with a twinkle in her voice.

“You know, Ruby,” Dolly began, “each year, I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque inside. I never hear from them, neither receive a thank you!”

Ruby, a silver-haired lady with a gentle smile, nodded in understanding. “Oh, dear. That’s not right, Dolly. Gratitude should always be appreciated,” she said.

“Oh, but I’ve found a way to change that!” Dolly said, her grin widening. “This year, I came up with a brilliant plan. I decided to teach them a little lesson in politeness and manners!”

Intrigued, Ruby leaned closer, eager to hear what Dolly had in mind.

“I wrote each of my grandchildren a letter, pretending to be a government tax official,” Dolly chuckled. “I told them that their ‘Annual Manners Tax’ was due and asked them to promptly send a ‘Thank You Note’ to avoid any penalties!”

Ruby burst into laughter, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh, Dolly, that’s both hilarious and clever! And what happened next?”

Dolly’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Well, Ruby, you won’t believe it! The very next day, my mailbox was flooded with thank-you notes from all my grandchildren! They were full of gratitude and appreciation, assuring me they had ‘paid’ their manners tax in full!”

The two friends erupted into peals of laughter, enjoying the delightful twist of events. Ruby wiped a tear from her eye and said, “You’re a genius, Dolly! I must try something like that with my own grandchildren.”

As the weeks went by, Ruby couldn’t wait any longer to put her own plan into action. She decided to take a slightly different approach, though. Instead of pretending to be a tax official, she wrote a letter posing as a renowned treasure hunter. In her letter, she claimed that an ancient treasure was hidden somewhere in their town and that only those with good manners and a grateful heart would be able to find it.

Ruby’s grandchildren received the letters and were absolutely captivated by the idea of a real-life treasure hunt. They started showing impeccable manners, thanking everyone around them for the smallest of gestures, and even helping their friends and neighbors with various tasks.

The news of this curious treasure hunt spread like wildfire, and soon, the whole town was buzzing with excitement and politeness. People held doors open for each other, strangers exchanged smiles and pleasantries, and everyone was expressing gratitude for the simplest of things.

As Ruby watched the transformation in her grandchildren and the town around her, she couldn’t help but smile. Her plan had worked even better than she had imagined, and it brought joy and positivity to everyone involved.

In the end, the great treasure they found wasn’t gold or jewels, but the treasure of kindness, gratitude, and good manners. The newfound sense of community and camaraderie was more valuable than any riches.

From that day on, the town became known for its warm and friendly atmosphere, and Dolly and Ruby’s mischievous yet loving influence on their grandchildren created a legacy that would be cherished for generations to come.

So, the next time you receive a thank-you note or witness an act of politeness, remember the tale of Dolly and Ruby, the two old ladies whose playful spirit taught their grandchildren the true value of gratitude and brought a town together with laughter and love.

After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her.

The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, “ABCDEFGHIJK.”

“What does that mean?” She asked.

“Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot!!!” he replied.

Wife Smiling asked, “So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?”

He replied, “I’m Just Kidding!

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