A wife woke up from her night’s sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband.

“I dream they were auctioning off tool in this place, “she began, “the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20.”

“How about the ones like mine?” asked her husband.

“Those they gave away,” she replied tongue in cheek.

“I had a dream too,” started the husband.

“I dream they were auctioning off fannies. The pretty ones went for a 1000 and the little tight ones went for double that!”

“And how much for the ones like mine?” enquirer the wife to her husband.

“That’s where they held the auction,” he replied.

Two call girls were on a street corner.

They started discussing business, and one of the call girl said,

“Gonna be a good night, I smell weapon in the air.”

The other call girl looked at her and said,

“No, I just burped.”

The husband and his young wife did not have a good relationship.

The wife was even convinced that he was having an affair with the pretty housemaid and set a trap for him.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend without informing the husband. When they went to bed that night, the husband told the old story,

“Excuse me, my dear…

Stomach”, and disappeared towards the bathroom.

The wife immediately ran down the corridor, up the back stairs and into the maid’s bed.

She had just time to switch off the light when he quietly entered………..

He wasted neither time nor words, but quickly took out his gun, laid on top of her and beat her like there was no tomorrow.

When he had finished, still panting, the woman said, “You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you?” and switched on the light. “No, madam,” said the gardener.

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.

“I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong.

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building,

When a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,

“Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce! “

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying,

“Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.

Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over, farts and says…

“Broccoli. 49 cents a pound!”

One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party.

His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn’t mention the incident to her.

Later in the evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he noticed a stiletto-heeled shoe half-hidden under the passenger seat.

Gripped with terror, he took advantage of a moment when she wasn’t looking to grab the shoe and throw it out of the window.

The rest of the journey went well until they arrived at the restaurant.

“That’s strange,” said his wife, looking a little agitated. “Have you seen my other shoe?”

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”

His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.

He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat 3 times

I do not have a headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache.’

It worked! The headaches are all gone.”

“Well, that is wonderful,” replies the husband.

His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years.

Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?” The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!” The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

She’s not my wife!

She’s not my wife!

She’s not my wife!”

undeterred by the disapproving glances from the other patrons. The dimly lit bar seemed to hold its breath as I calmly looked the biker in the eyes.

“Friend, I was just admiring that drink. Must be something special if it caught the attention of a fellow like you,” I replied, maintaining a friendly tone. The biker, who expected confrontation, seemed momentarily taken aback by my unexpected response.

The tension in the air lifted, replaced by a curious silence. The biker, known as Tank, sized me up, trying to gauge my sincerity. After a moment of contemplation, a gruff laugh escaped his lips, echoing through the bar like thunder.

“You got guts, pal. I like that. Name’s Tank,” he said, extending a massive hand. I introduced myself, and soon enough, Tank and I found ourselves engaged in conversation, sharing stories that spanned from his wild adventures on the open road to my more subdued exploits in the corporate world.

As the night progressed, Tank’s intimidating exterior softened, revealing a surprisingly thoughtful and genuine individual. We discovered common ground in unexpected places—our love for classic literature and a shared appreciation for the simple pleasure of a good drink.

Tank’s initial act of bravado turned into an unlikely friendship. The bar, once a scene of potential conflict, transformed into a backdrop for camaraderie and laughter. Other patrons, initially wary, joined in our conversations, creating an atmosphere of unity that transcended societal stereotypes.

The bar became our regular haunt, a place where bikers and white-collar workers coexisted harmoniously. Tank, with his towering presence, became an unofficial guardian of the establishment, deterring troublemakers and fostering a sense of community among the patrons.

One day, as we sat at our usual spot, Tank revealed a vulnerability beneath his tough exterior. He spoke of a troubled past, regrets, and the redemptive power of friendship. In turn, I shared my own struggles, and we found solace in the unlikeliest of confidants.

Our friendship became a testament to the notion that understanding and connection could arise from the most unexpected encounters. Tank, once the menacing figure at the bar, became a symbol of breaking down stereotypes and finding common ground.

As the years passed, Tank and I remained friends, proving that genuine connections could emerge even in the unlikeliest of places. The bar, once a scene of potential conflict, transformed into a haven where people from all walks of life could share a drink, swap stories, and forge connections that transcended societal expectations. In the end, it turned out that a stolen sip of a drink was the catalyst for a friendship that defied stereotypes and enriched both our lives.