Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.”

John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!”

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, “Well John, do you feel young yet?”

“No,” replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, “John, do you feel younger?”

“No,” replies John, “but I sure did a childish thing!”

Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.

The first one to tee off is Moses.

He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.

Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.

Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.

Jesus closes his eyes and prays.

The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the h*le.

The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball.

The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water.

A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.

As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.

As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the h*le, making a h*le in one.

Jesus looks at Moses and says, “I really think I’m leaving Dad at home next time!”

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says , “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.” Man – “That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?” Man – “No , thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.” Man – “OK , how much?”

Boy – “$150” Man – “Sold.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.” Man – “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.”

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$350” Man – “Highway robbery. Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

The boy says, “$500” The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…

that is way more than those two things cost.

I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”

As Robert stood in his son’s immaculate bedroom, he couldn’t help but feel a mixture of surprise and curiosity. This sight was so unusual that he needed to investigate further. He picked up the envelope carefully placed on Thomas’s neatly made bed, the corners of his mouth curling into a smile. Robert had always been the kind of father who treasured every moment with his son, appreciating even the smallest gestures.

The envelope felt slightly heavier than expected. Robert turned it over and saw that it was sealed with a wax stamp, imprinted with a unique insignia. It was a symbol he didn’t recognize but was intrigued by. As he opened the letter, a familiar scent wafted into the air, the fragrance of freshly cut grass, which immediately transported him back to his own childhood, spent playing in the fields with his own father.

“Dear Dad,

I hope this letter finds you well. There are so many things I want to say, and I thought it was time to put my feelings into words. I want you to know just how much you mean to me.

You’ve always been my hero, Dad. The way you’ve shown love, patience, and resilience has shaped me into the person I am today. Your guidance and unwavering support have been my constant pillars. I’ve learned from you not only what it means to be a good man but also what it takes to be a great father.

I wanted to share some exciting news with you. I’ve been accepted into the college of my dreams. It’s a moment I’ve been working towards for a long time, and I couldn’t have done it without your sacrifices and encouragement. Your dedication to our family has opened doors for me, and I’m determined to make the most of this opportunity.

I cleaned my room and made my bed as a small gesture of appreciation. It’s a way of saying ‘thank you’ for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve always said that little things can make a big difference, and I hope this helps convey the love and respect I have for you.

As I prepare to leave for college, I want you to know that you’ll always be in my heart. I hope to make you proud, Dad, and show the world what an incredible father you are.

With all my love,

Thomas”

Robert blinked back tears as he finished reading his son’s heartfelt letter. It was as if Thomas had poured his soul onto the paper, and the words struck a deep chord within him. The years of late-night talks, ball games, and shared laughter had all led to this moment, where a young man was expressing his gratitude and love for his father.

As he stood there, holding the letter close to his heart, Robert realized how much he had impacted his son’s life. The sacrifices, the guidance, and the unconditional love had all contributed to the person Thomas had become. Robert felt an immense sense of pride, knowing that he had raised a thoughtful, caring, and respectful young man.

He went outside to find Thomas, who was practicing his basketball skills in the driveway. Robert approached his son, and without saying a word, he enveloped him in a warm, tight hug. They both knew that actions often spoke louder than words.

The rest of the day was filled with conversations about life, dreams, and the future. Robert shared stories from his own college days, and Thomas listened with an eagerness to embark on his own journey. It was a day of connection and bonding, a day that reinforced the unbreakable father-son bond they shared.

As the time for Thomas to leave for college drew near, the air was thick with emotions. They packed the car together, making sure everything was in place. Robert couldn’t help but feel a mixture of pride and nostalgia. His little boy had grown into a confident young man.

On the day of departure, they stood by the car, each reluctant to say goodbye. The unspoken understanding between them was palpable. Robert knew that he was letting his son go, allowing him to spread his wings and discover the world. And Thomas was fully aware of the sacrifices and love that had brought him to this moment.

With one last, lingering hug, they said their goodbyes. Robert watched as his son drove away, leaving for college, embarking on a new chapter in his life. The small envelope and the neatly made bed had initiated a profound connection between father and son, a connection that would remain unwavering, no matter the distance or the passing of time.

As the car disappeared down the road, Robert felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and pride. He had not only raised a son but had also forged a lifelong friendship. Their bond was unbreakable, and the legacy of love and support would continue to guide them both in their separate journeys. The simple acts of making a bed and writing a heartfelt letter had served as a reminder that love, appreciation, and family were the most precious things in life.

When God created the donkey, he said:

“You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage.

You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ.

You’ll be living for 50 years.”

“But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30.” And so it happened.

Then, God created the dog:

“As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years.”

“Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please.” And so it happened.

Then, God created the monkey:

” You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years.”

“No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live.” And so it happened.

Last, God created the Man:

“You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years.”

“But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal.

I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years.”

And so it happen.

Since then men lives for 20 years as a man.

Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day.

He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs.

And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey. He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!

 

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”

In the wake of a tragic accident that had left their lives forever altered, the bond between a married couple was put to the ultimate test. The accident had caused severe burns to the husband’s face, leaving him scarred and in immense pain. The doctors, while working diligently to heal his wounds, delivered a grim verdict: grafting skin from his own body was not an option due to his thin physique.

As the couple grappled with this devastating news, it became evident that their love was a force to be reckoned with. It was the wife’s unwavering commitment that ultimately shone through. With immense courage and selflessness, she offered to donate her own skin for grafting. This incredible act of love and sacrifice would not only transform her husband’s physical appearance but also redefine the depths of their relationship.

The complex journey of recovery that followed tested their patience, resilience, and the strength of their marriage. They had to navigate physical and emotional challenges, enduring painful procedures and grueling recoveries together. Their journey was a testament to the power of love, sacrifice, and unwavering support.

Through it all, the husband’s face gradually began to heal, and he found himself looking into the mirror with gratitude for the incredible gift his wife had given him. The scars, once a painful reminder of the accident, became a symbol of their enduring love and commitment.

This remarkable story serves as a testament to the extraordinary lengths we will go to for the ones we love and the resilience of the human spirit. It underscores the idea that true love knows no bounds and can overcome even the most daunting of challenges.

 

Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says:

“Your b*tt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s b0ttom.

“Yes, I was right, your b*tt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!”

The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky.

He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

She answers,

“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-a$s grill for one little ween!e?