A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing at school. Eventually, she overcame her hang-up and married her high-school sweetheart.

When their first child was born, she named the baby girl “Love” inspired in the same spirit as her unique name.

Unfortunately, Love grew up and endured much of the same teasing that Darling did, because of her strange name.

She came home from school one day and screamed at her dad, asking why he gave her such a stupid name.

Dad took the blame to protect his wife and apologized.

In a fit of rage, Love shot him with her dart gun and ran away.

Minutes later, Darling came home and saw her husband lying on the ground.

“What happened?!” she asked, running to him.

He waved her closer, and whispered, “Shot with a dart, and you’re to blame. Darling, you gave Love a bad name.”

 

 The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

About half held up their hands not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question this time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question with all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

“Mrs Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Mrs Jones, that is very unusual, how old are you?”

“Ninety three.”

“Mrs Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: “It’s easy, I just outlived the bitches.”

 

A poorly dressed woman entered a fancy restaurant. All the customers looked at her with scorn.

The woman was wearing a ragged old dress and had a sloppy look. The hostess immediately ran up to her not even trying to hide her disgust.

“Madam you have probably mistaken the place for somewhere else.” All she wanted was to quickly get rid of this unwelcome guest.

The woman looked at her shyly and asked is this grandson’s restaurant?

The people in the dinning hall began to whisper and giggle.

The hostess looked at the woman with a pitiful look you’re right. This is. What do you want madam?

Immediately call the administrator! Shouted one of the disgruntled visitors, I booked a table here in advance not for this beggar to watch me eat!

The old lady lowered her head and said softly I will not take much of your time dear.

I have only one request the hostess reluctantly invited the elderly woman inside, to the sound of general disapproval and averted shouts.

I would have called security if I were you! Did you notice how she smells? That’s a nightmare! The visitors didn’t hide their feelings at all.

The woman went to the showcase with desserts and peered at it for a long time.

The waiters giggled if she hopes to eat here for free she is not getting anything! It seemed the woman did not pay attention to their disapproval.

Tell me Honey is it possible to buy only half of the lemon cake? How much will it cost? I have $17 she asked clutching some crumpled old notes in her hand.

The waiters barely restrained laughter. “Madam I don’t think you have enough money even for one slice of this cake!”

This is a work of art by our chef! Moreover we don’t sell it in halves.

The elderly lady turned pale, it seemed that something had collapsed inside her. Slowly she hobbled back to the exit.

Suddenly she was called by a man dressed in military uniform sitting next to his wife in the corner of the restaurant. “Madam comes here please! You don’t look very happy! Has something happened?” He asked with a charming smile.

“My daughter. She was very sick. When she was a kid, we passed by this restaurant and she used to look at the shop windows for a long time. We dreamed of eating the lemon cake here one day but then she got sick. My husband left and I got several jobs to feed us. We have no money to continue the treatment and this cake is the only thing I can do for her now. But I only have $17. “The tears rolled down her face.

Without hesitation the military man summoned the waiter and asked him to pack a whole lemon cake for the woman at his expense.

He said today is 17 years since we lost out son Alex. He died in a car accident. My wife and I couldn’t do anything through she is a doctor. 17 years and 17 dollars in your pockets if this is not a sign from above then what is?

His wife gave the elderly woman her business card and promised to help with her daughter’s treatment.

When the waiter brought out the lemon cake for the lady a grateful smile appeared on her face. She thanked the military couple and headed for the exit.

There was deathly silence in the restaurant as no one felt like giggling anymore

  

A husband decides to make a quick run to the store, while his wife waits at home.

A few minutes after he leaves the house, his guy friend shows up, hoping to speak with him.

Seeing that the husband is not home, the friend says he’ll come back later but is invited in by the wife.

As the two of them make small talk in the living room, there’s a moment of awkward silence.

Looking at the wife’s face, the friend brazenly offers to pay her $100 if he can give her a kiss.

Blushful but tempted by the money, the wife accepts the deal.

After one kiss, he offers another $100.

Once again, the wife accepts another kiss.

The friend then bids farewell and leaves. Finally, the husband returns home, and the wife quickly stuffs the money in her pocket.

She tells him his friend had just visited.

Of course, she leaves out the kissing part.

Her husband asks, “

Did he pay back the $200 he owed me?”

 

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.

She asked him,

“Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It’s so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?”

To which St. Peter replied,

“Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited and asked St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied,

“Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e.”

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

“I’d be honoured,” she said, “but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?”

St. Peter reassured her and instructed the woman simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her, when low and behold, a man approaches the gates, and she

realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried,

“Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,

“I was so upset when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?”

To which the woman replied, “Not yet.

You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia

 

 Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,

Because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman,

she was used to giving up everything for her husband  and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping…

 

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying.

He walks over to her and asks what’s wrong.

“I’ve never been hugged before” she says.

Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.

She soon starts crying again.

He again asks what’s wrong, and she replies, “I’ve never been kissed before.”

The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss.

She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what’s her problem.

“I’ve never been bang before” she says.

So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, “There, now you’re bang.”

 

One night, a couple is in the bed and the husband smoothly caresses their wife’s arm… the wife is turned and she tells him:

I’m sorry but I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh.

The husband, rejected, turns back to his bed side and tries to sleep.

Some minutes later it turns again and it uncovers her wife again, he whispers to her:

Have you an appointment with the dentist tomorrow too?