A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.”

She goes to the market and finds one for $499.

Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.

She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.”

Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?”

The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

Little Larry says: ‘I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.’

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson ‘And how about you, Sarah?’

‘I wanna be Larry’s whore.’

  

 

A Soldier Approached A Nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.” The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to S*ria. ” The nun said, “I understand completely.

” The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher,

you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to S*ria either.”

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

 They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. 

They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. 

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. 

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side! She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss... 

After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, 

Well, how was it for you? 

The guy yawns: Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.

A woman is watching the news on TV and they are reporting live from a helicopter about a man going the wrong way. All the other cars on the highway are swerving all over the place trying to avoid hitting this guy.

She calls her husband to warn him as he knows that he travels on that highway at this time.

She says to him, “There’s this crazy driver on the highway going the wrong direction.”

He replies emphatically, “just one, hell there’s a whole bunch of them going all the way wrong.”

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge, enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him… they kiss… and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, ‘Well, how was it?’

The man says, ‘You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.’

A skinhead and his girlfriend were walking down main street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window.

“Wow, I’d sure love to have that!” she said.

“No problem, baby,” the skinhead said, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.

A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a black leather jacket in another shop window.

“What I’d give to own that!” she said.

“Sure thing, darling,” the skinhead said, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.

Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership.

“Boy, I’d do anything for one of those!”

She said to her boyfriend.

“Damn, baby!” the skinhead cried. “Do you think I’m made of bricks?”

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,

“Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity