Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for.

Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, “I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear.

The second nurse said, “Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his protection.

The third nurse fainted.

 

A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a bar.

She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the bar and whispers to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and to put some Spanish-fly in the drink.

The bartender whispers back to say he’s all out of Spanish-fly and all he has left is Jewish-fly.

Shrugging his shoulders, the guy says, OK, put some of that in her drink.

As she sips on the drink, she gets more and more cozy, really warming up to the guy.

Finally, she finishes the drink, leans over and whispers in his ear. ‘Let’s go shopping.’

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, Sir I must have misunderstood you what did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it I said I want to open a damn checking account now!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that sort of language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

“There is no damn problem,” the man says,

“I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see,” says the manager, “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”

  

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“All right. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

 A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in lovemaking.

He gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental.

He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner.

At dinner that night, she does just that.

About a week later she’s back at the doctor and tells him, “The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.

It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table.”

The doctor says, “Oh dear I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

The lady replied, “That’s very kind but I don’t think the restaurant will let us back in anyway.”

 

A married man was having an affair with his secretary
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house
Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt
Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house“Darling,” replied the man “I can’t lie to you

I’ve been having an affair with my secretary
I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”

 

One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends.

She goes to the park and meets a boy.

They talk about climbing trees.

The boy says to the girl: “Go on climb that tree.”

The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants.

After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened.

Her mum says: “oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants.”

The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met that boy again.

He told her to climb again and she did.

When she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: “My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants.”

The girl replied and said: “No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any pants!”

 

A woman was with her boyfriend in her bedroom when she heard her husband coming up the front door.
In a panic she told her boyfriend “Hurry, stand in the corner and do not move until I tell you to.
Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” Her husband asked walking into the room.
“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly.
“Our neighbours bought one for their bedroom.
I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
They went to sleep and then around four o’clock in the morning the husband got out of bed ... 

went to the kitchen and came back with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the statue, “eat something.
I stood like an idiot at the neighbours’ for 2 days and nobody offered me so much as even a glass of water.