A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she’s deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up.

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress’s name tag on her shirt.

“Gee, that’s nice. What did you name the other one?”

Jim and Mary had been married for over 30 years and they were travelling from Los Angeles to London.

During check-in at LAX, the airline agent was apologetic to Jim and said, “Sir, I’m sorry but the flight is full today and you should be aware that you and your wife haven’t been allocated adjacent seats. Your seat number is 14A and your wife’s is 42H.”

“Well, thank you, mam,” said Jim, with a smile, “Will I have to pay an extra charge for this bonus?”

“Oh, no sir,” said the airline agent, politely, “your wife has already paid.”

A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into hers, damaging the front bumper, and that she hadn’t made a note of the licence plate number.

“What kind of car was he driving?” asked the husband.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“I can never tell one make of car from another.”

Hearing this, the husband decided it was time for her to learn and for the next few days, whenever they were out on the road, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could identify every make.

It worked. A week later, she bounded in with a big grin on her face. “Darling,” she said. “I hit a Pontiac G8!”

The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you’re wearing. What’s it called?”

The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.

She searches through the pile and finally finds a small spray bottle.

She examines the label and announces, “Here it is… ‘Unforgettable’.”

A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a Cubs “Love able Losers” game.

They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and kissing so much that they weren’t able to follow the game.

In order to be able to follow the game better the young bride says,

“I’ve got an idea, honey,

You kiss me on the strikes and I’ll kiss you on the balls.”

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital.

He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.

In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says “Alright. Who’s the other father!”

A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.

“Who is it?”

“Blind man,” came the response.

Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door.

The man’s jaw dropped and he stammered, “Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?”

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur);

“Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00.

The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says [with a drunken slur];

“Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can’t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice,

So he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.

The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”

The bartender can’t believe it.

He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says [with a drunken slur],

“Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, give me the bill.”

In disgust, the bartender says;

“What, no drink for me this time?”

The drunk replies;

“You! No Way! You get too violent when you drink!