A mathematician found out that a pipe was leaking, so he called a plumber.

The plumber changed a gasket and asked for $100.

“But how is it possible? You’ve been working for only 10 minutes and it takes me full week to earn $100”, exclaimed the mathematician.

“Well, that’s why I became a plumber but let me tell you something – I’ll give you the address of my company go there and say that you want to work as a plumber and don’t mention that you are a mathematician.”

And so the mathematician did soon he earned quite a lot of money.

But the company decided to educate the plumbers and send them to primary school on the first day the mathematician was asked to write the equation for the surface of a circle on the blackboard.

Click To Read More>

 

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried.

‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you.

I want a divorce right away!’

And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.

She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight..

The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present...

CLICK TO READ MORE >

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.

“How are you grandpa?” he asks.

“Feeling fine,” says the old man.

“What’s the food like?”

“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”

“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?”

“No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a tablet, and that’s it. I go out like a light.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge.

“What are you people doing?” he asks.

“I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old tablet on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”

“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse.

“Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the tablet stops him from rolling out of bed.”

One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning, they thought of a plan.

They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt.

Then they went to the Dean and said they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their way back the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back.

So they were in no condition to take the test.

The Dean thought for a minute and said they can have the re-test after 3 days.

They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day, they appeared before the Dean.

The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of only 2 questions with the total of 100 Points:

1) Your Name? __________ (1 Points)

2) Which tire burst? __________ (99 Points)

Options

(a) Front Left

(b) Front Right

(c) Back Left

(d) Back Right

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.

I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.

I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake.

I climbed several rocky hills. took a few ‘leaks’ behind some big trees.

The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers.”

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”

“No,” I replied, “I’m just a bad golfer.”

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other.

He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

“Why do people in anger shout at each other?”

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, “Because we lose our calm, we shout.”

“But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?

You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.” asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained,

“When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot.

To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.

The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love?

They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close.

The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…”

The saint continued, “When they love each other even more, what happens?

Click To Read More >

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.

“Shucks, I’d sooner spend my money on a cow,” said the farmer.

“Ah,” replied the salesman, “but think how silly you’d look riding around on a cow.”

“Humph!” retorted the farmer. “Not near as silly as I’d look trying to milk a bicycle!”

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep.

So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has lovemaking with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.

Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.

One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods.

Click To Read More >