“Doctor, I need your help,” the woman says.

“What seems to be the problem?”Dr ask”

“My husband just doesn’t satisfy me loving. What can I do?”

“Hmmm. That’s a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?”

“Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn’t enough for me. You’ve got to help me!”

“Er … Why don’t you take a lover?”

“I have! I still don’t get enough.”

“Take another lover.”

“I did. In fact, I have eight lovers – and I still don’t get enough make love!”

“Gosh, that’s an anomaly.”

“Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it’s an anomaly! They all keep telling me I’m a B-girl!”

Jim grabbed his suitcase off the luggage carousel and headed outside to hail a taxi.

A taxi promptly picked him up and they were on there way.

Twenty minutes into the ride Jim had a question for the taxi driver, “Excuse me sir” said Jim tapping the driver on the shoulder.

“AHHHH HHH” screamed the taxi driver swerving the taxi across three lanes of traffic finally stopping the car on the opposite shoulder.

“What the heck was that all about?” demanded Jim thoroughly shaken.

“I’m sorry,” said the taxi driver, wiping his brow, “this is my first day on the job, I’ve been driving a hearse for the last fifty years!”

Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home.

The first one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

The second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

The third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”

He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.”

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.

The man said, “Are you talking to me?”

The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.”

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A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.

They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, “I just got kids.”

The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, “Those are 2 baby goats!”

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’

The guy replies,’ I’ m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.’

Saint Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn

He stands self enjoyment and booms out, ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.’

Saint Peter consults his list.

He says to the priest, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.’

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A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

“What’s the matter?” he was asked.

He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”

“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”

“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.”

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home.She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, “Dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”

Man – “That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”

Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”

Man – “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$750”

Man – “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy...

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