A man walked into a resort and the first sign he saw said “Lool Area”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’.”

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no other rules, he’d be fine. The man toured the resort and eventually came upon the cafeteria.

There was a sign which read, “Serving Lierogies and Lork tonight.”

Thinking about the food made the man hungry, so he went around looking for food. Strangely, in cafetaria he only found two signs that read; line for breakfast and line for dinner, both of which were closed since it was 12:30 PM.

Confused and hungry, the man approached the employee and asked, “Where’s the lunchline?”

A horny young man went to a bawdy house.

The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be.

The man wanted to know what was available.

Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and hot… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses… they are all buxom and beautiful… On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers…. they…”

Man, “Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.”

Madam, “Are you sure… I’m surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.”

Man, “It’s obvious, ma’am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you’re perfect at it.”

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves.

The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All
my love.

The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”

 

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.

 The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! ...

Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy … then they turned the page. On the second page was written…

For 95 points: Which shoot? _________

A blonde phoned a retail pharmacy to talk about her prescription.

He said to the pharmacist, “My doctor ordered this prescription for me. Your store filled it and gave me a bottle with 100 capsules in it about two weeks ago.

I’m supposed to take one capsule every six hours and I’ve been doing that.

This little packet came out of the bottle while I was getting my capsule once.

The packet said ‘Do not eat’ on it…

That was four days ago, and I’m really hungry!”

Two women were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.

“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”

“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second.

“But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to have a baby in three months.”

“You must tell me what you did.”

“I went to a faith healer.”

“But I’ve tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn’t help a bit.”

The other woman smiled and whispered, “Try going alone, next time, dearies.”

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds she could be heard screaming, as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant, she’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

A young salesman was out on business when one night he had to stop at a farm, the only room available was with the farmers pretty daughter.

The farmer having heard this kind of joke before asked his faithful farm hand Hans to wait outside the door with a shotgun and if he heard any hanky panky shoot the stranger.

The next morning the sales man left a bit of hurry and the farmer proud of his quick thinking said to his daughter ‘So, that city fella didn’t try any thing with you?’

‘Oh no’ said the girl ‘Hans just gave me his shotgun, put on my nightie and told me to wait in the corridor and make sure the guy couldn’t escape till morning!’