Three guys are on a plane, ones black, ones white, and ones Mexican.

The pilot says: “there's to much weight you all need to throw something off the plane.”

The black guy throws his Jordan's and says: “we have to many of these in our country”

The Mexican throws off his lawn mower and says: “we have to many of these in our country.”

The white guys throws the Mexican and says: “we have to many of these in our country.”

A woman walks into a bar. He’s very inebriated, so she stumbles to the bartender.

‟I will have a whiskey schlour!” she slurs ‟I can’t serve you ma’am, you’ve had too much.”

The barkeep informs her. Looking disgruntled, she walks out the front door.

A few minutes later she walks in through the side entrance.

‟Barkeep, give me Gin and Ginger.” she hiccups.

‟As I told you before, I can’t serve you, would you like me to get you a cab?”

The bartender says patiently. Looking quizzically at the bartender, she shakes his head and stumbles out.

A few minutes later she walks in the front door again.

‟Give me Blue Motorcycle!” she demands.

‟Look ma’am’ the bartender says sternly, having lost his patience,

”if you do not let me call you a cab, I’m going to have to call the police.

‟ She peers at him with red, blurry eyes and mumbles,

”How many friggin’ bars do you work at??‟

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He then takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,”

… he said with a deep sigh ….

“Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box”

A woman was in court for killing her husband.

She said she wasn’t guilty and that she dearly missed him.

In the closing statement, the woman’s lawyer stands up and says, “Her husband was just missing.

Everyone look at the doors.

He’s going to walk through them in about 30 seconds.”

The entire jury stares at the doors waiting for this woman’s husband to walk through the doors.

The lawyer and the woman stare at the jury.

The lawyer concludes by saying,

“See! If you were so sure she killed her husband, you wouldn’t be watching that door!”

The jury immediately gave a guilty verdict.

A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him and says, “Welcome to hell, Dave.

First, the Wi-fi password is…

“Dave says, “Wait, you guys have wi-fi?”

Satan replies, “Of course we do.”

“That’s certainly not bad at all” says Dave.

Satan continues, “So, as I was saying, the wi-fi password is the number pi”

Once when Nasreddin Hodja was serving as qadi, one of his neighbors came to him with a complaint against a fellow neighbor.

The Hodja listened to the charges carefully, then concluded, “Yes, dear neighbor, you are quite right.”

Then the other neighbor came to him. The Hodja listened to his defense carefully, then concluded, “Yes, dear neighbor, you are quite right.”

The Hodja’s wife, having listened in on the entire proceeding, said to him, “Husband, both men cannot be right.”

The Hodja answered, “Yes, dear wife, you are quite right.”

The bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes.

They head up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautiful child’s puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.”

“Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2 – 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”

 A man is sitting at home when a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies,

“Yes, I am.”The officer then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife.

The man answers, “Sure, hold on a second.”

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says,

“I’m sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train”.

“The man says, “I know, but she has a good personality”