So, a rich tycoon and his wife are having New Year’s dinner at a very exclusive restaurant,

When an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away: ‪‪‬‬‬

The wife glares at her husband and says.

“Who in the hell was that?”

“Oh.” Replies the husband.

“She’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw.” Says the wife.

“I’ve had enough. I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that.” Replies her husband.

“But remember, I have all my money ring-fenced in a way you can’t access it along with our pre-nuptial agreement. So, if we get a divorce it will mean no more.

Shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club.”

He continues……

“Not only that, but no more diamonds, no more credit cards, and large bank account. But?”

He says. “The decision is all yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Bobby?” Asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress.” Says the husband.

“Oh, ours is much prettier.” She replies.

Girl taunts old man and asks if he ever did anything wild heading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.

She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.

Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were bare and she was wearing worn-out shoes.

Her entire face and body were riddled with pierced jewellery and her earrings were big, bright feathers.

She sat down in the only vacant seat that was directly across from us.

My dad raised an eyebrow and stared at the girl.

Finally, the punk got self-conscious and barked at my dad, “What are you looking at you old geezer… didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were young?”

Without missing a beat, my dad replied, “Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot I thought maybe you were my daughter.”

The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video.  They sat down together to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!

He saw the two of them laughing in the park.

He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.

He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.

He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

“I just can't believe this,” the distraught husband said.

The detective said, “What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!”

The husband replied, “I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!”

1 – It was me, I let the dogs out.

 2 – Parenthood is the scariest hood to go through.

 3 – People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

 4 – Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 5 – I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

 6 – Today is one of those days when even my coffee needs a coffee.

 7 – I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

 8 – An apple a day keeps anyone anyway if you throw it hard enough.

 9 – I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. There’s no stopping me now.

10 – Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

11 – I think something’s missing in my life. Like four or five million dollars.

12 – You know you’re a mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold.

13 – I once had a job in an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.

14 – I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

15 – Dear life, when I said “Can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

16 – I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three or four times, you know, just to be sure!

17 – Don’t mess with me; I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.

18 – I was going to take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!

19 – That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they’ve repeated it about five times.

20 – I remember years ago when all I wanted to do is be older. I was wrong.

21 – During his summer recess, Santa has been viewing your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.

“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.

The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man his secret to long life.

“I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.”

“That’s really remarkable!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?”

“I’m 93,” said the first old man.

The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.

“I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some.”

“And how old are you?” asked the reporter.

“I’m 91,” said the second old man.

Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.

“I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day.”

“Wow!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?”

“29,” replied the third man.

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.

Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches.

Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, “What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?”

St. Peter replies, “That was just the screen saver.”

A man sits down on a bar stool and tells the bartender,

“Pour me a drink before the trouble starts.”

The bartender looks puzzled, but pours him a drink.

The man chugs it and says,

“Pour me another drink before the trouble starts.”

The bartender does and the man downs it as quickly as the first.

After a few more rounds, the bartender says,

“Look, pal: you’ve had five drinks and all you talk about is ‘some trouble starting.’

Just when is this trouble supposed to start?”

The man replies, “Just as soon as you discover I don’t have the money to pay you for these drinks

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.

He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.”

There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by.

He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.

He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words.

He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.

That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were.

The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.

“I wrote: Today is a beautiful day; but I cannot see it.'”

Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind.

The second sign reminded people how fortunate they were to have their sight.

Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Morals of the Story:

Be creative and innovative. Think differently and positively.

Let’s share this. Maybe you’ll touch someone’s heart and become the reason for the smiles on their faces.