A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.

“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said…

“Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!”

Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines.

He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a dog in a cage.

“Excuse me,” said Joe “dogs are not allowed on board, you have to check it in with the baggage.”

The lady wasn’t happy, but Joe was an experienced steward and succeeded in convincing the lady without much of a scene.

Upon arrival, Joe took a peek in the cage, and to his great surprise, saw that the dog was dead! Frantic that they may get sued, Joe quickly sent one of his underlings out to town to buy a dog that looked exactly the same.

Just in the nick of time the underling arrived with the dog.

They quickly switched dogs and breathed a sigh of relief.

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The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband:

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband…

“Buy me a surprise for my birthday!” she said.

“Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!”

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.

And on the day she finally got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought…

Scroll down to know what was her birthday gift,…

It Was A Blue Colour Weight Machine…

The poor guy is dead today, and his wife’s in jail for his murder !

WIFE: Darling why are you home this early wearing such a Long face?

HUSBAND: Had a terrible day, I lost all my colleagues today at work.

WIFE: Blood of Jesus! What happened?

HUSBAND: There was a Fire out break down the tunnel and everybody died!

WIFE: What a pity! Darling, I thank God for keeping You Alive. How did you make it out my dear?

HUSBAND: Darling, it was God’s Work. My stomach was upsetting me so, I took a break to ease myself in the toilet.

WIFE: Darling, thank God you are alive. 

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A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry is not very clean,” she said.

“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly.

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.

I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking those eggs too fast. Too fast! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh, my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him, bewildered by his outburst. She took a deep breath and calmly responded, “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”

The husband, now looking a bit sheepish, replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

The wife, who had been through many “backseat driving” episodes with her husband, couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “Well, thank you for the demonstration. I’ll keep that in mind next time you’re behind the wheel.”

The tension lifted as they both laughed off the breakfast drama. The husband, realizing the humor in his exaggeration, joined in the laughter, admitting, “Maybe I do get a bit carried away when I’m not the one in control.”

From that day on ...

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,

“My God, are you thestripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

The drunk man thinks to himself, “I’d like to have a duck for my dinner.”

So the man grabs a massive stick, and plonks a baby duck that was sitting on the edge with it!

He grabs up the little duckling and begins to pluck all of its feathers out.

Suddenly, a park ranger comes along so the man quickly throws the duck back into the water.

The park ranger says, “Were you trying to steal a duck? There’s a bald duck in the water.”

“No sir,” says the drunk man.

“I was just sitting here talking to the ducks!”

The park ranger said,” Well then, how do you explain all the feathers around you, eh?”

The drunk man says,” Well, the little duckies said he wanted to go for a swim, so I said of course, I’ll mind your clothes for you!”