A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.
“Help! Is there anybody up there” he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
“I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”
“Yes, yes, I trust you!” cried the man.
“Let go of the branch,” boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again,
“Is there anyone else up there I could talk to?”
After she was 8 months pregnant and almost time for the husband to go on a tour of duty in which he could not be there at the time of birth,
She started thinking of girl names for the unborn baby like Emily and Rose but the husband thought that it would be a good idea to think of a boy’s name, just in case.
So after a few weeks, a baby boy was born in the father’s absence and a couple months later,
The husband came home to know that the boy had been named Justin case.
A woman gets cheated by her husband.
Devastated, she doesn’t know how to continue to live her life.
She heard that there’s a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decided to go there to consult him.
After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk.
“I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him.
And now he left me with a young woman.
My life is stolen, and I’m left with nothing.
I don’t know what to do.”
The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it.
After she finishes eating, he ask, “Is the cookie delicious?”
“Yes,” she answer.
“Do you want another one?”
“Sure, please.”
The monk looks her in the eyes and said...
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee.
They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her underwear, used them and threw them away.
Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it.
After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without underwear.”
“That’s nothing,” said the other.
“Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her bum that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'”
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a pure and I don’t know anything about make love. Can you explain it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning on his side, he smiles.
“Then we will have to re-imprison him.”
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love...
Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”
“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again
“Is it going to be a very cold winter?”
“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it's definitely going to be a very cold winter.”
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie
He decides to test it out on his son at supper.
Dad says: “Where were you last night?”
Son says: “I was at the library.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”
“Doing what?” asked the father.
Son says: “Watching a movie
Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
“OK it was p*rn!” cried the son.
Father yells “What?
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?' The guy replies,' I' m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.' Saint Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn
He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.' Saint Peter consults his list.
He says to the priest, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.' Just a minute, ‘says the good father.
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