He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilise the eggs.

he kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one. 

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4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn’t order a Guinness, to which he replied:”I figured if you 3 weren’t ordering beer it would be rude for me to.”

Jed and Margaret lived a simple life on their small farm.

One day Margaret woke up to the smell of pancakes, and rushed down for breakfast.

Jed: Morning Maj, how’d ya sleep?

Maj: Great, thanks for the breakfast!

Maj ate her breakfast happily, Jed by her side. After she finished she went to excuse herself

Maj: Thanks again for breakfast! I’m going to go feed the horses now!

Jed: All 24?

Maj: Yup!

Maj brought out an appropriate amount of carrots, but unfortunately stepped on one of the horse’s hooves.

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Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball.

One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says, “Hey Roger! How are you tonight?”

His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.

“No, no. He’s just one of the guys I bowl with.”

They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says, “Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?”

His wife’s eyes widen.

“You must come here a lot!”

“No, no” says Roger “I just know her from volleyball.”

Then a stripper walks up to the table.

She throws her arms around Roger and says “Roger!

A table dance as usual?” His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar.

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There is a large traffic jam in Washington .

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam.

While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot.

The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage,

they say they’ll douse the whole place with gasoline and burn everyone inside if they aren’t paid one billion dollars.”

He explains. “So is there a plan?” He asks.

“Yeah we’re going around all the stopped cars on the roads asking people to chip in for the cause.”

“How much are people giving?”

“About a gallon or two each.”

Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset:

“You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you give me a good reason why!”

Frank thought for a moment then began to speak, “Sorry, boss. I always have late night plans. I know everyone worth knowing and it keeps me busy.”

The boss, not amused by Frank’s obvious lie, sighs and continues, “Okay, Frank. Tell you what, you convince me that you know everyone worth knowing, and I’ll give you one more chance.”

So, that day, during lunch, Frank and his boss drive to a large manor on the edge of town.

Frank knocks on the door and Kim opens it.

She hugs Frank and invites him and his boss in for a bite to eat.

Impressed, but still not convinced, Frank’s boss says, “That was definitely worth knowing, but it doesn’t prove you know EVERYONE worth knowing.”

Frank thinks for a moment again and starts driving north of town.

After a while, Frank and his boss arrive at another, much larger manor and he knocks on the door.

After a second, the door swings open and Samuel L. Jackson smiles at Frank and invites him in for a bite to eat.

After their second meal, Frank’s boss is more impressed but not entirely convinced.

Frank thinks and begins driving toward the airport.

Several hours later, Frank and his boss pull up to the Vatican in a cab and walk in.

Frank tells his boss that only a select few can go past a certain point so he’ll have to wait outside.

Time passes and Frank’s boss notices a crowd gathering in the plaza of the Vatican.

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A dude with his pants hanging half off his butt, two gold front teeth, cell phone in his hand and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.He marched up to the counter and said,”Hey man

You know, I just HATE drawing welfare

I’d really rather have a job

I don’t like taking advantage of the system and gettin’ somethin’ for nothin’.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent

We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say…

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Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

“Betty, I was wondering — have you ever cheated on me?”

“Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question…”

“Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.”

“Well, all right. Yes, 3 times.”

“Three? When were they?”

“Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?”

“Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?”

“Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?”

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