A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.”The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The Irishman said, “Well, the truth is, Father, I found myself in a tempting situation, and I was really close to giving in to the temptation.”The priest, intrigued, leaned forward and encouraged him to continue, “Tell me more, my son. Confession is a sacred space, and honesty is crucial for redemption.”

The Irishman took a deep breath and began his tale, “You see, Father, it all started when I went on a business trip to Dublin. I met this woman at a local pub, and we struck up a conversation. She was charming, and I felt a connection that I haven’t felt in a long time.”

The priest nodded understandingly, “It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, my child. What happened next?”

“Well, Father, we started spending more time together. We had dinners, shared stories, and before I knew it, I found myself attracted to her. One evening, after a few too many drinks, she invited me back to her hotel room,” the Irishman confessed, his guilt evident in his voice.

The priest, maintaining a calm demeanor, asked, “And what did you do?”

“I hesitated, Father. I knew it was wrong, and the guilt was eating away at me. But in that moment, I realized the gravity of the situation. I couldn’t betray my wife and the vows we made,” the Irishman admitted, his eyes filled with remorse.

The priest, showing compassion, said...

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A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.

He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,

“This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards.

What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said, “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”

“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

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Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her assets are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your assets to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your assets for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her assets.

“How long will this take?” she asks.

“They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

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Once upon a time in the bustling world of real estate, there was a boss who was known for his professionalism, sharp wit, and his tendency to never mix business with pleasure. Let’s call him Mr. Smith. Now, Mr. Smith had been running his real estate agency with precision and efficiency for years, but things took an unexpected turn when he hired a hot new secretary, Miss Jones.

From the moment Miss Jones walked into the office, heads turned, jaws dropped, and productivity levels soared as her mere presence seemed to light up the room. Mr. Smith, being the disciplined and responsible boss that he was, tried his best to keep his focus solely on work and avoid any potential complications that might arise from having such a striking secretary.

For the first week, Mr. Smith managed to keep his composure, maintaining a strictly professional relationship with Miss Jones. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, Mr. Smith found himself increasingly drawn to his new secretary. Her infectious laughter, her captivating smile, and her impeccable work ethic began to chip away at his resolve.

Fearing the onset of annoying love problems and workplace drama, Mr. Smith tried to suppress his growing feelings for Miss Jones. He buried himself in paperwork, scheduled endless meetings, and even resorted to wearing blinders whenever she walked by his office. But try as he might, he couldn’t shake the persistent tug of attraction that gnawed at him day in and day out.

Finally, overcome by lust and longing, Mr. Smith decided to throw caution to the wind and make some subtle moves on Miss Jones. He started by complimenting her on her excellent work, then casually suggesting they grab a coffee together after work to discuss upcoming projects. To his delight, Miss Jones agreed, and their after-hours meetings soon became a regular occurrence.

As the weeks went by, Mr. Smith found himself falling harder and faster for Miss Jones, and it seemed that his feelings were reciprocated. They shared inside jokes, exchanged lingering glances, and even stole a few stolen kisses behind closed doors when they thought no one was watching.

But just as Mr. Smith allowed himself to believe that he had found true love in the form of his hot new secretary, disaster struck.

One fateful afternoon, as Mr. Smith was preparing to declare his undying love for Miss Jones, he received an unexpected email from the HR department.

It turns out, Miss Jones wasn’t just a secretary; she was an undercover HR agent sent to investigate allegations of workplace misconduct within the company. And all those sweet moments they had shared?

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A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam.

“The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said.

His mother asked, “What was the question?”

“Where’s Portugal.”

“The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re going to find where Portugal is.”

 She gets a map of the state and can’t find Portugal...

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A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.

The doctor asked the man,

“Do you smoke or drink?”

“No,” he replied,

“I’ve never done either.”

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.

“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”

“Well then,” said the doctor,

“what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of pills in his son’s medicine cabinet.

He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said “I don’t think you should take one; they’re very strong and very expensive.”

“How much?” asked Grandpa.

$10.00 a pill answered the son.

“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d like to try one, and I’ll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill.”

The next morning...

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A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move said the broker, it’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked....

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