An old man who loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”

He looked around and couldn’t see any one.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.”

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, “Are you talking to me?”

The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I’ll then give you more bang pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of.”

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front melons pocket.

Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? 

Click To Read More >

A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia.

“Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath.

“Wow” responded the psychiatrist “I’ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions.”

“OK” responded the lady “how much is each session?”

“Oh it’s just $80 a session, but trust me it’s well worth it.”

When the lady didn’t come back to the psychiatrist he gave the lady a call.

“How come I didn’t hear from you? He asked.”

“Well” responded the lady “when I came home and told my husband about the cost he thought he would save some money, he just cut the legs off the bed!”

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner.

Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

Husband: Definitely not!

Wife: Why not – don’t you like being married?

Husband: Of course I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Husband: Okay, I’d get married again.

Wife: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

Husband: (makes audible groan)

Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Husband: Where else would we sleep?

Wife: 

Click Here To Continue Reading>

John was driving down a road when his old VW beetle broke down.

Whilst he was inspecting the car, his friend Paul pulled up in his quick BMW M5 and asked if he could give a helping hand.

They decided that Paul was going to tow John back to his place on the other side of town.

They agreed that if Paul was going too fast, that John would beep the horn to inform him to slow down.

After towing John for a short while, Paul’s rival drives past in his Mercedes E63.

And he’s enticing Paul to a street race. Paul gets mad and accelerates to high speeds to catch up to his rival.

All the while John is being towed and gets scared and starts frantically beeping his horn.

Whilst this racing happens, there’s a guy walking in the street to the local pub and sees these cars fly past.

Click To Continue Reading >

An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm.

They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says,

“You re pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?”

The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says,

“One thousand, eight hundred and thirty-two.”

The farmer is amazed.

“Exactly right”, he says.

“How did you work that out so fast?”

“Easy,” says the accountant

“I counted the number of feet and divided by 4.”

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where Saint Peter said, “You died in your sleep Ralph.”

Ralph was stunned.

“I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!” St Peter said,

“I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.”

Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past.

“So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?”

“Not bad,” replied Ralph the Hen, but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m going to explode.”

“You’re ovulating, explained the rooster. Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before.”

“Never,” said Ralph.

“Well just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster “It’s no big deal.”

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Click To Read More >

One day there was this little girl watching TV and she sees 2 girls kissing.

She ask her mom “Mommy why are those two girls kissing?”

The mother then Replied “Oh their just making a cake.

The little girls says “Oh Okay”.

The very next day the little girl is watching tv and she see two black guys kissing.

She asked her mother “Mommy why are those two guys kissing?”

The mother Replied again “Oh their just making a cake” The little girl says again “Oh Okay”.

The very next morning the mother was coming down the stairs and she sees her daughter with a smile on her face her mother ask “Why such a smile?”

The little girl replies...

Click To Read More >

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team.

I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?”

Ho one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot…

Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”

She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.

They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.

She smiles, and says,”I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.

Only this time, she plays left-handed.

The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.

They’re totally amazed. They can’t figure her out.

She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner.

They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.

This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.

The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.

However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.

This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.

They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”

“When I got married after college...

Click To Read More >