It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold. Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the miners in the river have no guarantees.

All the miners that muss their opportunity move on, except for one.

For a week, a miner wearing blue overalls and a large hat sits in his wagon and watched the other miners work.

An unlucky miner looks for a long time, but finds no gold in his reserved spot. He sighs, and packs his things. Before he goes, he makes a sign and puts it in his reserved spot that says, “No gold here”

The miner with the large hat leaps out of his wagon, runs to the abandoned spot and rips the sign out.

The first miner looks back at him...

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Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar.

Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him.

“So what would you like?”

Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him.

“Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, “I guess I’ll take the same thing as you.”

“OK” said Harry to the bartender, “we’ll take two Johnny Walker’s on the rocks!”

Barbara barely took a sip of the drink before she started gagging “Oh my gosh! Get me a cup of water! This stuff is horrible! How do you drink this garbage?”

Another jokes : A blonde came home from school

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count.

The other kids could only count to three but I can count to ten…..1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”

The mother responds, “Very good honey.”

The blonde asks...

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New students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor began the lecture by telling them:

“In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”

To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and licked it.

“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes,

but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and licking it.

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She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes.  As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”

She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to ignore it and keeps on walking.

A few moments later she runs into another nun who says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”

By the end of the hallway and after 5 more encounters the nun is FURIOUS, and marches straight to the head sister's office and throws the door open.

The head nun goes to speak, when the other shouts...

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Last year I replaced several windows in my house

and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining

that his work has been completed for a whole year

and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go ’round.

Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year. .

that in one year the windows...

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A very tall man walks into a bar…

and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player.

They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt.

On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

“What’s that for?” the lady questions.”

Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.

“Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

‘What’s that ?’ the lady questions again.”

Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV.

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A woman walks into the City Center link office, trailed by 15 kids.

“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”

“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up, I’ll need all your children’s names.”

“’This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one, he is Terry, also.” The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.

One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

“All right,” says the caseworker.

“I’m seeing a pattern here are they ALL named Terri?”

Their Mother replied, “Well, yes – it makes it easier.”

When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell...

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One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.

“I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.

“No way! Get lost!” replied the girl.

“How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?” the driver asked.

“I said no way,” replied the girl.

“What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?” asked the driver.

“No, I’m not getting in the car,” answered the girl.

“Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars,” the driver offered.

“No!” replied the girl.

“What will it take to get you in the car?” asked the driver.

The girl replied, “Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo – you live with it!”