A couple decide to take their young daughter to zoo one weekend

While standing around the elephant exhibit the little girl notice that the big bull elephant has huge self enjoyment.

She whisper to her mother “What is that between his legs?”

Her mother whisper back “Oh that is nothing darling.”

Not satisfied with mothers answer she whisper to her father.

“Daddy what does he have between his legs?” and her father whisper back.

“That his weapon darling. He put that inside the lady elephant to make baby elephants.”

The little girl get confused & whisper.

“Mum says it’s nothing.”

Her father reply “Yes but I spoil that woman.”

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

When an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”

One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age…”

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…”We were at your birthday party yesterday!”

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

‘Listen,’ said the CEO, ‘this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?’

‘Certainly,’ said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

‘Excellent, excellent!’ said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. ‘I just need one copy.’

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her,

comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her,

listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive n****ked… with beer.

New Joke : A guy in a bar and astonished horse

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool.

In front of him he see’s a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:

“Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.

COST $5″ So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.

Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.

The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see’s the horse and the jar, this time it says: “You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.

COST $10″ So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.

Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.

So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks

“How did you do that?” The guy says “

The first time I told him my d*ck was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!”

See more

Previous Joke

A man with a very small head in a bar

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

Little Larry says: ‘I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.’

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson ‘And how about you, Sarah?’

‘I wanna be Larry’s whore.’

 

Wife : Honey, Shall i cut my hair?

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: But I took so much efforts to grow them so long.

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: But nowadays short hair is very much in style.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: My friends say short hair really suits my face cut.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: But short hair cannot be tied in a knot.

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: But nevertheless, i want to experiment with my hair.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: But what if the hair stylist ruins my hair ?

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: But I think i will cut them.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: But if short hair doesn’t suit me, you will be responsible.

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: On second thoughts, its easy to manage short hair.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: I hope it doesn’t look funny on me.

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: OK. I have finally decided that I will cut my hair.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife : So when do we leave?

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

Wife: Are you Ok? I am talking about going to my mother’s place.

Husband : Ok cut them.

Wife: You don’t seem alright! Are you unwell?

Husband: Then don’t cut them.

.

.

.

This poor fellow (The Husband) is now admitted into a mental asylum and all he keeps saying is “Ok cut them” and “Then don’t cut them”

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?

“His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.

“When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,” How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

A lap dancer then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real b**tch tonight, Dave.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their personal love lives.

Karen said, “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.”

Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft.”

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?”

Kathy frowned and said, “The postman.” Looking puzzled Joanne asked, ”Why the postman?”

“Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”