A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"Why are your feet so gross?"

"I had Tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean Polio?" she asked.

No, Tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing.

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.

"What's wrong with your knees?" she asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had Kneasles," he explained.

"You mean Measles?" she asked.

"No, Kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess...........

"Smallcox?"

  

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

 

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,

so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked,

What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.

They then decided they both would walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your as$ goodbye.

 

Archie is lying in a hospital bed, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

Through his mask, Archie struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, the nurse overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are – my – test – results – back?”

Ack! SHARE if you giggled a bit!

  

A Tale of Inheritance: Love Beyond Assets. Families often encounter bitter disputes over distributing a loved one’s assets. Such conflicts can escalate to the point where potential heirs are at odds with each other. Amid these conflicts, one woman shared a poignant story about her mother’s inheritance. Shedding light on the intricate dynamics that unfolded within her family. 

The narrative began with the woman expressing her deep connection with her mother, who was battling cancer. 

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio Pexels

Acting as her primary caregiver, the woman recounted, “Mom was always my best friend, so naturally, I was going to be there every step of the way while she battled this illness.” However, her altruistic intentions starkly contrasted with the actions of her greedy sister and uncles. Who only appeared when they needed financial assistance, often seeking help with their bills.

The woman recounted an audacious incident involving one of her uncles who, amidst her mother’s declining health, expressed a desire to use her real estate agency contacts to secure a new house for himself. The woman was taken aback by the sheer audacity of such a request during such a delicate time. 

That tragic day arrived, unpacking the following event with it

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project Pexels

Tragically, her mother succumbed to the illness, and the day of reckoning arrived when the will was to be read. An unexpected twist unfolded as the family gathered, including the contentious sister, uncles, and the late mother’s lawyer. The entirety of the $5 million estate was bequeathed to the sister and uncles, leaving the woman with nothing.

Shocked and heartbroken, she wondered how her mother could have seemingly betrayed her. Amidst tears and disbelief, the woman was handed an envelope by the lawyer containing an address. Confused and desperate for answers, she ventured to the mysterious location, half-expecting it to be a storage space or some forgotten obligation. 

A discovery that ran deeper than assets

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio Pexels

What awaited her was beyond her wildest imagination – a charming home that seemed to be plucked from the pages of a fairytale, complete with her favorite flowers adorning the yard. The revelation dawned on her that her mother had been acutely aware of the avarice of her sister and uncles.

The house was a gift, a symbol of love transcending material wealth. The woman discovered her mother’s intentions in a letter left on the kitchen table. Despite knowing that her daughter and brothers might squander any monetary inheritance, the mother wanted to impart a lesson on the true value of family. 

Knowing just how loved she truly was

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio Pexels

Now standing in her new kitchen, savoring coffee from the machine she had always coveted, the woman realized that her mother’s love was never encapsulated in the monetary assets. The home, with its warmth and memories, held a significance far greater than any financial inheritance. 

The woman reflected, “Hey, Mom? You still know what best.” This heartfelt tale serves as a poignant reminder that love, family, and the enduring legacy of cherished memories are immeasurable treasures that transcend the transient nature of material wealth.

 

 

My husband and I bought our granddaughter a wedding gift from her registry. She reached out and accused us of being cheap after getting the wedding present. Now, she is upset and threatens to cut us off because we didn’t give her the cash gift that we presented to each of our grandkids a day before their wedding. I’m in my 70s, a proud grandmother to five amazing grandkids: three women and two men. I adore my grandkids and often show up for them emotionally and financially. Whenever they have celebrations or hard times, they know that they can count on me. Grandparents with their grown grandkids , Eloise, got married last October. My husband, who is also in his 70s,

and I have a tradition for our grandkids. We buy a small gift from the wedding registry, usually the cheapest item, and then, the day before the wedding, we give them a check for $40,000. We hope they’ll use it for a house, but it’s ultimately their choice. We also ask them to keep it a secret, considering our large family. Until now, everyone has respected this request. This time, we sent an air fryer to our youngest granddaughter, the cheapest thing on her registry. Eloise called us, livid, accusing us of being cheap. I remember picking up her call and she didn’t even say hi, she just started ranting, “Seriously, Grandma? I just got your gift. An air fryer?That’s the cheapest thing you could find on my registry!” I was taken aback because as much as the air fryer was the cheapest on their registry, I still thought it’d be useful to them, so I told her that. Eloise kept on complaining, “Useful? Come on, you know you can do better than that. Everyone knows you have the money. I just can’t believe you’d be this cheap with me. It’s embarrassing.” In this heated moment, I told her, “Yes, you’re right. We are cheap, old, and useless. The only thing you DIDN’T know is that the day before the wedding, we were going to gift you a check for $40,000.” I revealed this in an attempt to explain to Eloise about the cash gift we usually give our grandkids before the wedding but she was so angry at this point,that she wasn’t listening to a thing I said. I speculated that maybe she didn’t believe we would gift her such an amount of money after only buying her an air fryer. Eventually, she said, “No, it’s clear. You just don’t love me enough to show it. You know how much pressure I’m under with the wedding. And then, this? It’s like you don’t even care,” then she hung up. Despite my husband and I’s shock at Eloise’s reaction, we then bought her a China set, hoping to appease her, but decided against giving her the $40,000, feeling she hadn’t earned it. Fast forward to last week. Eloise talked to her brother and found out that we were telling her the truth about the money. After confirming it with her cousins, she, called again, accusing us of discrimination, “I just found out that it’s true you gave the money to everyone else when they got married. Why didn’t I get anything?” We stood firm, explaining our stance was due to her initial reaction, “We felt after your reaction to the wedding gift, it wasn’t right to go ahead and gift you the money.” Eloise pleaded trying to convince us otherwise, “So, you’re punishing me? Is that it? Because I was upset about an air fryer?” I was angry that she didn’t even understand what she did wrong. “It wasn’t about the air fryer, Eloise. It was how you spoke to us, the disrespect. That’s not something we expected or can support,” I explained. Eloise implored us, nearly in tears, “But that’s so unfair! I was stressed, Grandma. Planning a wedding is hard, and I just snapped. I didn’t mean any of it.” I felt like she should have only apologized to us instead of finding excuses to justify her behavior. However, I told her, “We understand that it’s a stressful time, but actions and words have consequences. We hoped you’d understand the value of family and love over material things.” Full of desperation, Eloise added, “But you don’t understand! Can’t we just forget all this happened? I need that money, Grandma.” She pleaded, threatened to boycott Christmas, and accused us of cutting her off but we didn’t budge. In the end, I expressed, “We love you very much. This has nothing to do with cutting you off. We just hope you’ll reflect on this and understand why we made our decision.” Now, Eloise has followed up on her threat and she’s boycotting Christmas. Her mother, who is our daughter-in-law, is siding with her, calling us unreasonable. However, we feel that after all we have done for Eloise, the air fryer gift, shouldn’t have triggered this reaction. For context, we had already paid for her college, and her parents covered her graduate school and half the wedding. Additionally, she and her husband are financially comfortable and do not desperately need our money. We’re also not upset with our grandkids for revealing the cash gift since she is among the group of family members who are allowed to know about it. Our reason for sending the air fryer earlier was that we live far away, so we always send our gifts early. The wedding gift is also separate from the money, which we give with the hope it will be used for something significant, like a home. Now, we feel like the action we took towards Eloise was well deserved and we are not going back on our decisions even if she and her mom threaten to do their worst. Despite the tumultuous events and Eloise’s refusal to understand our perspective, my husband and I stand by our decision. Love and respect in our family are paramount, and we hoped this situation would be a learning experience for her. The holidays might be quieter this year with her family’s absence, but our hope is for healing and understanding in the future. Our door and hearts remain open to Eloise, whenever she’s ready to mend fences.

  

A senior couple decides to try viagra for the first time ever.

They have an incredible night together.

In the morning, the wife asks her husband at breakfast time,

“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

He declines.

“Thanks for asking, but, I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something.

“How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”

He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.

“Would you like a juicy rib-eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

He declines again.

“No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says,

“Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving!”

 

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered.

 I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let's go!”

We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m gonna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.” "Okay." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there…

On the bed…

Naked.